It was the beginning of December and my days on maternity leave were ending soon. Even before my baby was born, it was a topic my husband and I always dreaded to speak of..."what will we do in terms of childcare when I return to work?" This is probably something every mom goes through especially as a first time mom. The thought of leaving your baby at such a young age in the hands of someone you barely even know is just so scary and nerve wreaking. I can recall my husband often bringing it up and I would quickly change the subject or just ignore it completely.
My career and reaching my goals has always been a number one priority for me throughout my life. Working since the age of 17, I couldn't picture myself without a job and giving up my financial independence. Having those things is what made me who I was and the thought of losing all that made me feel as if I would be losing a very big part of me. However, call it maternal instinct if you wish, something inside me just kept telling me I wouldn't be able to return to work. Inside of me I knew I wouldn't be able to leave my daughter for nearly 10 hours of every day at such a young age.
Sending out my letter of resignation was a hard thing to do and yet was the most satisfying for me as a mother. I was overcome with gratitude that I actually was able to leave my job and take care of my daughter. I know not many moms have the opportunity to leave their jobs to be with their new born babies and I felt so grateful that I could. Although I'm still getting used to the fact that I don't have that salary check coming in every 2 weeks, watching my daughter grow every day makes the sacrifice so worth it. I realize that there's no amount of money that can replace the moments I have shared and the memories I will make with my baby. When I die, I will not take with me the money I have made in my lifetime working but the memories I make will stay with me forever!
For now, I must learn to be content with continuing my education and with not being able to help out with finances at home as much as I used to in the past. My weekend job, even if it is just a few hours a day, and going to college help to maintain my sense of independence and my sanity. Money comes and goes. However, being there every day of my daughter's early life and watching her grow, I only get the opportunity to have that experience once in my life. Once those moments are gone, I can never get them back...
...Sew this is LIFE!
